Tuesday 9 February 2016


How do you 'handle' confrontations?

Dearest Friends,

Hard as it might be, the best thing to do when you're having a difference of opinion IS NOT wanting to prove you are right.

Wanting to prove 'you' are right, just breeds negative feelings.

Confronting conflict can make us incredibly anxious.

When you walk into those situations that have a lot of conflict in them, the first thing to do is to allow the other person to speak first. When you do this, you are NOT giving power away. Hence, put your ego to one side. You are actually allowing them to feel valued and understood.

By listening to the other person's side, you are giving them the chance to become a part of the conversation.

If the other person is saying something objectionable, you have to bite your tongue. Just wait. Why?

First of all, when you respond in moments of anger and atmosphere of confrontation, anyways, you are not going to respond well.

More importantly, when you listen, few things might happen.

You might get a little more information about what that situation is really about. You might learn 'how' to take things onwards and get ahead. Maybe, you will realize, there is another perspective. And yes, the other person will feel a little less aggressive.

Finally, even if you don't get any new information relevant to the fight itself, there will certainly be nuggets of wisdom on how to handle similar situations later.

Imagine a fight in a marriage about the absence of quality time. It could put one person squarely in the wrong, but that doesn't mean the person who was right doesn't stand anything to learn and improve.

Maybe there is a lesson on how mutual time should be created, or in that quality time what electronic devices should be kept away or how the other person feels unappreciated because one spouse is distracted.

Subtle insights like these can only be found once we shut our mouths and actually 'want' to understand the other person, not crush them.

Final words? Stop proving a point. Stop winning arguments. Stop fixing the blame. Stop justifying your actions. Stop dominating a discussion. Violence never builds bridges. It destroys existing ones.

May each one of us be a 'bridge builder' and not a bridge destroyer.

Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.