Sunday 12 April 2015

Secondary gains

Happy Soul Speaking : Do you know what are secondary gains?

When someone keeps a problem around in their lives because of another (sometimes unknown to the bearer of the problem) benefit they gain from it.

For example, a person might not return money to their parents because they like the secondary benefit of 'punishing them' for not loving them enough.

Someone might hang on to a dead end job because they like being a complainer or a whiner.

There was a daughter who had a father that smoked cigarettes to the point he had lung cancer.

The daughter kept on looking after the father, bringing him to chemo and taking care of him every day until he was cured and the daughter returned to her home.

When the father was cured, he got lonely and started smoking again.

When the daughter caught the father smoking, she started shouting at him, "After all we've done for you? Why are you still doing this??!"

The daughter slammed the door and left in a hurry but she didn't realize that she left her purse at her father's house.

When she returned, she saw her father in tears and he cried to her, "I'm sorry - I only started smoking again because I missed you and the family for doting on me."

The father realized that his secondary benefit was because his smoking and his cancer has a secondary benefit of having his daughter showering her with attention.

Do you see how secondary benefits keep our problems around?

It might not be easy to spot secondary benefits, but if you can - it will help you to create profound change.

Question: Ask your unconscious mind - is there anything you are not getting, which, if you dot it, would allow the problem to disappear?

Affirmation for today:

I let go of all feelings that do not serve me!

Sent from my Samsung device